My First Literary Review!

My book Recollections of a Racketeer has been on sale for more than a week now and yet I still have not received a single review. That is one of the reasons my agent, Andrew Lownie, instructed me to write a blog. "Create a buzz" he said. "Start a following. Maybe they'll end-up buying your book just to shut you up." Always a joker that Andrew!

I had my doubts of course but, within two days of starting my blog, I was invited to appear on the Maurice Boland show on Talk Radio Europe. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the jet-set lifestyle, Radio Europe is based in Malaga and is broadcast all over the Costa del Sol. A giddy opportunity indeed and my first venture into international show-biz stardom.

But it wasn't a book review. As a creative artist I need the recognition and accolades of my fellow writers. I need the sober analysis of my work by my peers; and I need it publicly expressed, on paper, in writing - for the ages. Exchanging sophisticated banter with Maurice Boland and his guests on the radio, while socially satisfying, is only a temporary affair. Once the radio is switched-off, only the silence remains. (Unless you have the TV on as well or live in a noisy neighborhood of course.) But a printed book review lives on forever. It is something that my grand children can bequeath to their grandchildren; a family heirloom.

That is why I am so proud today to announce that the first review of my book has finally appeared and I can now savor and enjoy the acceptance and praise of my fellow professionals. The review appeared in an English literary journal called Zoo Magazine.

Zoo is a Literary Academic Discussion Society magazine or, as it describes itself, 'a lads magazine with all the latest videos of hot babes, topical jokes, sports stuff and photo galleries of Madison Welch, Imogen Thomas and all the other ZOO girls every day.’ What is especially gratifying to me is that Zoo Magazine is not one of those elitist, ivory-tower journals that nobody reads. In fact it has a readership of 632,000, many of whom are employed, or at least plan to be when they get out. Nor does Zoo limit itself to academic or literary reviews but tackles a wide selection of contemporary issues. The following Zoo Magazine interview by CBBC presenter Kirsten O'Brien with my fellow celebrity, Amii Grove, is fairly typical. Unfortunately I was not present at the interview but was captivated by the artistic photographs which accompanied it.

What was it like having her interview you while you were naked? Well, Kirsten doesn't like taking her clothes off, so she's the complete opposite to me! But she's an amazing girl and she was shit hot, to be honest. At the end of the day, when you're naked you're just in your birthday suit, aren't you?

Is this TV appearance likely to be the start of a new career path for you? I can't say too much, but I am working on some projects at the moment that are even bigger than my boobs! It's all a big secret. All I can tell you is I'm working with a big music producer - and not on my own. Watch this space!

You're not going to do anything crazy like give up topless modelling, are you? I'm looking to conquer Hollywood and I'm doing lots of singing and acting but I love this job - nothing beats getting your boobs out! I'm sure they're growing. On this shoot, everyone has been saying, 'Wow, they're even bigger!'

Finally I have a celebrity friend I can invite to one of Andrew's smart publishing parties!