Remainder Bin

I was contacted by Alan Green last night, an old friend from college. I assumed he must have heard me on the Maurice Boland show being interviewed about my latest book, Recollections of a Racketeer.
“Maurice who?” he said when I asked.
“No. I saw your book in my local bookstore, in the remainder-bin”
Now that I am a published author, I am supposed to be an expert on the publishing industry and so did not want to display my ignorance by asking what a remainder-bin is. I assume it is some sort of marketing device; perhaps where they stack all your books, prominently displayed, facing the main entrance of the book store. Possibly the book display will be centered around a large cut-out photograph of me. I must visit the store and have a look – (remember to wear dark glasses and maybe a large floppy hat so as not to be mobbed by fans.)
“So did you read it yet” I asked Alan.
“No – I’m waiting to get a copy from my local library” he said. “I saw your photo on the cover though; you’ve aged a lot since college.” There was a pause while he thought about it. “Life can’t have been very good to you” he concluded.
Now that I’m a successful published author and a celebrity, I really do need to reassess my friends. I don’t want to sound shallow or callous, but I need to ask myself – and I have to be brutally candid here – is Alan somebody that I could bring along to a smart publisher’s party in Chelsea or Sloan Square? More to the point, would he be comfortable? Would it be fair to him? He would probably prefer to be drinking a pint of stout and throwing darts with his mates than exchanging witty repartee and expensive cocktails with sophisticated writers and ravishingly svelte publishers’ assistants.
I need to start acquiring new friends who would blend more easily into my life as a celebrity. I should contact my fellow guests on the Maurice Boland show; that chap who makes the trebuchet thing perhaps, and the other one with a cannon. Maybe he can bring his wife – if she was ever able to swim back across the river.