BLOG-OFF!

The more I go out in public and meet the common people, the more impressed I am with their natural discretion and reticence. Many members of my entourage had warned me to be careful about leaving my gated compound and to avoid being seen in public.
“They’ll mob you man!” they cautioned me. “They’ll thrust grubby copies of your latest book Recollections of a Racketeer in your face for you to sign and then they’ll rip your clothes off for souvenirs.”
Obviously I was apprehensive about mobs of nubile literary groupies exposing themselves and fondling my finer literary sensibilities if I left the compound, but we were out of cooking sherry and there was no choice but to go to the store.
Unfortunately I still had not been able to repair my broken sunglasses. However much scotch tape I wound around the lenses, they still kept slipping off my nose. So, I ventured out into the non-celebrity world of regular people just as I was, with no dark glasses to hide behind.
That’s when I learned about the natural decency and discretion of ordinary people. Far from mobbing me, asking for autographs or sexually assaulting me – people pretended not to notice. They pretended not to even recognize me. I was amazed. I cannot tell you how touched I was and how overcome with emotion. I returned to the house in tears.
So I do believe the time has come for me to give up this blog, to stop sitting in my cork-lined room, hiding from the world, and to venture forth and meet my public.
I would like to thank all my followers – you’ve been the best followers that a man could ever hope to lead and I shall never forget our time together – but the time has finally come to blog-off!