Bush Flu

After two days of discussion with the UN Center for Disease and Hysteria Control I have just received official confirmation from my publisher that I am allowed to continue with my blog. You have my sincere assurance that it is safe to read my blog even without wearing blue face masks.

As my loyal followers will be all too painfully aware, this blog has been silent for the past two days. Obviously it was not an easy decision to pull the plug on so many people's lives. My old college friend Alan Green for example who, after almost a half-century of quietly desperate anonymity, suddenly found himself on the world-stage; part of the entourage of radio-personality Patrick Lane - famous author of Recollections of a Racketeer. Plucked from obscurity to sudden on-line fame, Alan has been mentioned in several blogs and his name has even been linked to the possible hirsute attributes of Hollywould starlet Amii Grove.

And then Thursday arrived and there was no blog. Alan was understandably devastated. "No bloody blog" is all he could say - at least according to the testimony of his legal representatives, Messrs Sue Grabbit & Runne. Without a daily mention on Patrick Lane's celebrity blog, Alan's life had become meaningless and valueless - in stark contrast to the several million Euro value which Messrs SG&R had placed on it prior to April 22, 2009 when the blog began.

So to Alan and all my other loyal followers (including even those who are not immediate family members) I would like to apologize for the recent silence and assure you that this blog will continue. As you may be aware, President Obama and Prime Minister Blaire's mate Brown have warned us all of the dangers of Bush Flu. They have made it clear that gathering in crowds is one of the major causes of Bush flu which makes its victims act like swine. There has been widespread concern that the gatherings of my Followers around the globe; pushing and shoving in order to read the latest posting on my blog, could lead to crowded chaos and poor ventilation - and possible outbreaks of Bush Flu. However, I would like to assure you all that as long as you read my blog responsibly, in the solitude of your own PC, your chance of contracting Bush Flu is minimal.

"Get rid of the swine" my agent keeps telling me. "You need new, fashionable and publisher-friendly friends."
"But I still need Alan" I objected.
"Why?" my agent asked.
"Because he's like a bumble bee" I explained. "He buzzes around the garden, visiting all the blossoms and frequenting every flower. He rubs his limpid androecuim against every example of floral gynoecium and exchanges gossip like pollen everywhere he comes."
My agent looked puzzled. He is Scottish and unfamiliar with sophisticated social intercourse.
"Without Alan to visit all my old friends" I explained. "I would have nobody to inform them all of my new social success and the brilliant friends that I have acquired since becoming a famous author." I fixed my agent with a new candid stare which I had been practicing all day yesterday in front of a mirror instead of writing my blog
"If you don't make your old friends sick with jealousy, what on earth is the point of writing?" I asked.
"You've been reading too much Marcel Proust" he said.